Cinco de Mayo Moved to May 4th, Leap Year Blamed

by JD Rucker on April 28, 2008

Cinco de Mayo 

A glitch in the leap year algorithm has forced Cinco de Mayo to be moved to the 4th of May in 2008 instead of its traditional May 5th home, a spokeperson for the White House announced Monday.

An emergency call center has been commissioned by the Senate to alert bars, restaurants, and cantinas across the nation.  All establishments must be contacted before May 3rd to allow time for changes in drink specials and Piñata placement.  This multi-lingual task force is working around the clock to get the word out.

“So far, the response has not been good,” said Leslie Espinoza, chief coordinator assigned to the task.  “We’ve had a lot of hang-ups and derogatory remarks made to our volunteers.”

Researches at Northwestern University have isolated the cause to a glitch in the calendar algorithm associated with leap years.

According to Paul Galles, spokesperson for the team and Dean of Computer Sciences, “It’s very much like Y2K.  The algorithm was designed to accomodate 365 days a year.  To be honest, we’re not sure how Cinco de Mayo even happened in 2004.”

The algorithm was created in 2001 through an Executive Order of President Bush.  In a statement, the Bush administration blamed al Qaeda and Al Gore for the problem.

From the statement:

“After our mishandling of previous disasters, we intend to make this one right.  Once the immediate issues are corrected, we intend to fix the problem permanently before the 4th of July.”

A press conference is scheduled for May 3rd to detail the effectiveness of the task force and to offer contingency plans for those who were not able to get the original message.  Police, fire departments, and hospitals will be put on alert for the entire weekend.

* * *
Satire is fun. Read more funny news on this blog as soon as we have something else funny to write. Well, hopefully funny.

{ 1 comment }

FiledropperFor a while now, I’ve been looking for a consolidated place to store and share files. Pics, videos, large files — so many needs, so few offerings.

FileDropper came highly recommended like BZ Results, but there was a cost associated. Granted, the basic plan was only $.99 per month, but it’s still a hassle to buy anything on the Internet when there are free alternatives. Then, someone sent me an offer for a Free accounts for bloggers as well as members of Digg, StumbleUpon, Reddit, Mixx, and del.icio.us. It was a sign. I tried it tonight.

What I found was that their claim of being “The simplest file sharing website ever” is quite true. The interface is one that my mother-in-law can use (and she has trouble with working her email). Member files are never deleted, it has incredibly fast upload and download speed, and there are no count down timers.

MegaUpload has issues. A premium account is great but when you upload something and send it to your friends, they have to wait for a slot to clear. You get 250 gigs of file storage with a $9.99 monthly fee. It’s the slowest service I have tried, particularly in the download area. If you don’t have a US, UK, or Canada based IP, you’re in for a long wait. Worst of all, the beeping buttons when you mouse-over them drives me insane.

RapidShare is one of the most popular options for downloading or uploading files. The monthly account is around 10 euro and provides some good options for premium users. The problems is, when it comes to the free user, the road is a bit rocky. There is excessive pressure to sign up for a paid account and bandwidth is slower for free users.

While I’m not a big fan of paying for anything when there is a free alternative, I can say that FileDropper would be something that I would actually buy. Luckily, I don’t have to. This free offer came at the right time. I’m a blogger, digger, stumbler, redditer, mixxer, and deliciouser, so I think I qualified for the freebie. FYI, it expires May 15.

* * *

There will be more stories about free offers on the Internet coming soon. This story was too fun to let it go.

{ 31 comments }

Alexa Rodriguez Attacked by Hawk at Fenway Park

by JD Rucker on April 4, 2008

HawkStrange things happen. Coincidences happen. In sports, there are superstitions, rituals, and omens that would get most people at least a little spooked.

When 13 year old Alexa Rodriguez went on a school trip to visit Fenway Park, there were probably more than a few references made about “A-Rod” from the New York Yankees coming to visit their arch rivals in Boston. What Alexa and her friends didn’t know was that a hawk would try to protect it’s lone egg nested in the overhang near the stadium’s press booth by attacking the unsuspecting 8th grader.

According to ESPN, Vince Jennetta, a teacher who chaperoned her class trip from Memorial Boulevard Middle School in Bristol, Conn., told The Boston Globe that Alexa is “a little shaken, but OK.”

The hawk’s talons drew blood from her head. State wildlife officials had the egg and nest removed.

* * *

Noozeez, a great place for sports.

{ 0 comments }

Al GoreWhen Al Gore finally endorses a Presidential candidate, people will stop asking him who he’s endorsing. He knows this all too well. In the meantime, he will milk every interview for an opportunity to say he’s the “PR Man for the World” and continue to promote his mission of saving mother earth.

For those of you holding onto the hope that he’ll mount his steed and rush in to save the Democratic party, let it go. Al Gore will not run for President. That position is below him now. He’s tasted the Nobel glory, nibbled on the Oscar cheese, and he gets to do it all on his time and at his pace. The President of the United States is the leader of the free world. Al Gore has a loftier goal. He wants eternity, and he wants it world-wide.

He has a Global Warming Campaign launching, a 60 Minute interview, and he’s building an army 10 million strong. That was all yesterday. Over the months, he’s had powerful people working hard to get his endorsement. It won’t come. Not any time soon.

The attention while he still holds the endorsement card and the “will he run?” card is way to strong to let go. He is on a pedestal and he won’t come down until he’s taken everything he needs from it.

THIS IS NOT A BASH. He’s a genius at this game and he’s doing it for an incredibly good cause. I am merely pointing out that the skill with which he is wielding his weapons is akin to an ancient Samurai falling foes with a knowing grin on his face. The grin, in Al’s case, is that he knows the truth. Losing the election in 2000 was the best thing that could have happened to him on the “Eternity Scale”. If his plan works and people 100 years from now look back at the direction we are currently going, they will say “Al Gore made life possible today, almost single-handedly.”

Nobody outside of historians will remember Obama or McCain, but everyone will celebrate Al Gore Earth Day in 2108. That is, at least, his goal. Whether it will be a reality or not — time will tell. As far as an endorsement, Gore will NOT tell.

* * *

Politics. It annoys and intrigues at the same time. My Poli-Sci degree fell to the wayside when I discovered writing, so here’s my political blog that has a bunch of other stuff, too. Read it nicely.

{ 2 comments }

Is McCain Fanning the Obama-Clinton Flames?

by JD Rucker on March 31, 2008

Clinton McCain Obama

With the Republican Nomination locked up for John McCain and his cross-party rivals duking it out, one would think that the GOP campaign staff would focus on raising money, finding a vice-president, and establishing a foundation of support.

Then again, if “one” were clever, they would be fanning the flames of the Democratic nomination race, pushing for Clinton to stay in as long as she can (or outright win, if that’s still possible) so they can continue to wear each other down.

While there is no way to be sure what is going on in the deepest bowels of the McCain camp, it can be assumed that a trusted handful of people are doing what they can to keep the Clinton-factor alive and well. Images leaked, memos publicized, voters contacted, all in the name of promoting Clinton as the better Democratic candidate.

McCain is on better footing against Clinton if she is able to pull off a miracle. While he has plenty of ammo against her, Obama is the anti-McCain. He is youthful, vibrant, and exceptionally well spoken. He pulls in the vote of the 20- and 30-somethings. Clinton does as well, but not nearly to the degree that Obama will in a head-to-head battle with McCain.

Then, there is the mudslinging aspect. Hillary and Bill are masters of mud, slinging it with such skill and precision that it’s a wonder how Bob Dole and George H.W. Bush even survived the onslaught. The problem they are having now is Obama lacks the experience that helps to accumulate mud. While Hillary was putting together a nice resume of lies and deniable sniper attacks, Obama was still in political grade school.

Where there’s a Clinton, there’s a way, and as long as the GOP can keep her active, she’ll be tossing a kitchen sink (full of knives) at the enigma that is Barack Obama. That is the McCain campaigns best ally – to stay squeaky clean for as long as possible while Clinton and Clinton work their voodoo on Obama.

In the end, it will be Obama versus McCain, but for now, some people behind the scenes are ready with the adrenaline shots to the heart for Clinton. The paddles are in hand and juiced up. They’ll keep it alive as long as they can.

* * *

Related: Al Gore: Milking Non-Commitment for Everything its Got

* * *

For more amateur political analysis, check Noozeez often. It may not make sense to you, but somebody out there gets it.

{ 8 comments }

Final 4 Climax Means NFL Finishes 1 Month Break

by JD Rucker on March 31, 2008

NFLThe marketing and sales machine that is the National Football League maintains a strangle-hold on sports news for most of the year. Every month, there is something going on that dominates ESPN Sportscenter. Every month except March.

No, the only truly America sport allows one month for other sports to take the complete spotlight. As of the time of this post, there is only one top story on the Worldwide Leader in Sports coming from pigskin land, and it’s really only “charged” because of off-the-field actions. Pacman thinks his time is done with the Titans. It’s not a shocker, but I guess there has to be something about the NFL at all times.

History has been made in this NCAA Tournament. For the first time, all 4 #1 Seeds advanced to the Final 4. In a tournament that started off with such hope of mega-upsets, there is a sort of justice that FINALLY the 4 teams that were supposed to make it actually did make it. Otherwise, a lack of super-talent has made this a lackluster tournament compared to some of the recent ones.

And the NFL waits. It stretches, bounces, pumps its legs in place, and prepares for the official start of the NFL season hype machine. The NFL Draft and all of the combines, workouts, rumors, trades, trade rumors, background checks, and fabricated news angles officially mark the start of the marathon. Words will start to pop into every interview and commentary during this time such as “upside”, “intangibles”, “transition”, “speed in pads”, “mock drafts”, and “more mock drafts”. All this, and that’s BEFORE the actual draft.

We will see training camps, talk of hold-outs, and discuss depth charts. Speculation of break-out seasons, sleeper teams, and the obligatory Peyton vs Tom arguments will ensue.

The the preseason hits, and more people will watch football games that don’t count than baseball games that do. We finally get to the season, watch 17 weeks of it, then a long playoff, finally culminating in the Super Bowl and Pro Bowl in February.

Then, we’ll take another break from the NFL to watch March Madness. From a business perspective, 11 out of 12 ain’t bad.

* * *

I am a sports journalist in my own mind. Read the occasional sports analysis at Noozeez.

{ 0 comments }

Photobucket Hits 5 Billion Photos Uploaded

by JD Rucker on March 31, 2008

PhotobucketWith Flickr dominating the photo storage and display market, the fact that Photobucket passed the 5 billion uploaded photos mark today is an unexpected accomplishment. For the most part, it has also gone unnoticed.

There has been some recent negative publicity — negative but minor — about censoring babies in diapers as nudity. There was also an unfortunate bit of timing with the release of their photo editing features coming a couple of weeks before getting overshadowed by Adobe’s launch of a web-based photoshop service.

These three events plus other important things happening in the industry have let Photobucket’s proliferation of 5 billion photos pass unnoticed by just about everyone. They seem to be okay with this, as they haven’t even posted about it at the time of this article on their own blog. That seems to be their style — quality of service instead of loudspeaker marketing.

The marketing seems to be going towards News Corp’s online darling, MySpace. Meanwhile, Photobucket keeps popping out features, including a “Baby Einstein” styled slideshow, Photobucket Mobile, and a new MySpace App.

It should be noted that this blog hosts most of its photos on Photobucket, just in case this seems a little biased.

* * *

Read more noozeez. It’s good for the brain.

{ 1 comment }