Hypothetical Remake: The Breakfast Club

Breakfast ClubIn 1985, John Hughes wrote and directed The Breakfast Club. It helped push the careers of five rising stars to achieve relative success. These members of The Brat Pack were quoted, emulated, and launched into the yearly playing schedule on TBS 24 years after the film was made.

In this era of unoriginality in Hollywood, they really should considered making a new version that takes everything about the movie a little closer to the edge. Why?

Why not?

Claire Standish – The Princess

Molly Ringwald Breakfast ClubWhile Molly Ringwald did a fine job playing the spoiled but sensitive popular girl in the original, her problems were just too minimal. The teenage angst she portrayed was so… 80s.

You didn’t really feel that she was that snobbish, that pressured, or even that popular.  She also didn’t quite fit the bill to truly pull off the lipstick trick.

For the updated version, plug in Lindsay Lohan and make her a real bitch. In other words, plug in Lindsay Lohan.

Lindsay LohanFirst, you have to make her more evil. Moviegoers love a pretty girl they hate (though the “pretty” part is arguable these days for LinLo).

It isn’t that we have anything against pretty girls, but the ones who start off mean, learn their lesson, then befriend a geek or two are the ones who make today’s movies more enjoyable. It’s corny but true.

The new version of Claire made it to Saturday detention because she spread photoshopped images of her ex-boyfriend and her ex-best friend engaging in Paris Hilton style activities.

Brian Ralph Johnson – The Brain

Anthony Michael Hall Breakfast ClubHe was troubled by getting a B, so he decided to try to kill himself with a flare gun. Sadly, comically, it went off in his locker.

Anthony Michael Hall played this role as perfectly as anyone could have. He had the credentials through nerd role after nerd role before buffing up and turning psychic around the turn of the century. It will be hard to beat his performance, but we have someone in mind who should give him a run for his money.

Michael CeraInsert Michael Cera and you have a new age of nerd. Today’s nerds aren’t socially clueless like they once were. The Internet itself gives them resources for being semi-cool that they never had before as well as the communities and methods of communication to “practice” their social skills.

Now, at least, they can turn “hip” into a research project and have all the answers they need.

With Cera, the I-got-a-B-so-now-I-must-die argument doesn’t play. No, it needs to have more substance, more reality, more 21st century teen turmoil. Our nerd is a hack. He did get a B, but instead of ending his promising future with Apple, he created a worm that hacked Twitter accounts and posted Tweets about fake celebrity deaths. Not sure where the idea came from, but it seems to fit.

Andrew Clark – The Jock

Emilio Estevez Breakfast ClubYes, wrestling is a sport, and wrestlers are jocks. Yes, Emilio Estevez could have been a wrestler. Still, it’s just hard to imagine calling Emilio Estevez a jock.

But, throw in a sporty tank top in the 80’s and you’re a jock, so we went with it. This version of Andy picked on a younger member of his wrestling squad and duct taped his ass cheeks together. Funny, mean, but it just wouldn’t fit in today’s world.

In 1985, it was a prank. In 2009, it would be a sexual assault and Andy would have spent detention in jail getting his pretty-boyness hit on rather than in a school library picking up weird chicks.

Tom WellingNo, our choice for jock will be more focused on the end goal. He wants to make it to college sports and on to professional football or basketball or whatever (no wrestling), so, in keeping with the news of the era, our jock gets caught with performance enhancing drugs.

Tom Welling played a jock in Cheaper by the Dozen and a super jock in Smallville. Why not be a Breakfast Club jock as well. As a taller, more muscular actor than Estevez, it will be more believable coming from him when he says, “Two hits. I hit you, you hit the floor.”

Of course, he could also add the line, “I can burn you to death with my frickin’ heat vision coming from my frickin’ eyes.”

Allison Reynolds – The Basketcase

Ally Sheedy Breakfast ClubHere is a big challenge. Where else can you find an actress who can shake her dandruff onto her paper so convincingly? Ally Sheedy played the role in a way that left you wondering, “Was she acting or is that how she really is?”

This character was different from the beginning. Once we find out the reason she was in detention (she had nothing better to do on a Saturday afternoon), we started thinking that there was some kind of mental issue here. She ended up pretty normal by the end of the movie even though her parents still ignored her and she most likely reverted to her black mascara.

Julia StilesThe new version needs more issues. Getting ignored is normal for teens in the 21st century. We need something juicy. A drug addiction makes the most sense here. Our reinvented Allison is a meth-head. Basketcase means something totally different, but at least we won’t be whining about where this character fits into this group.

Now, the actress: Julia Stiles. I know — too clean cut, too well spoken, too old, too… whatever. My only reply is: exactly. She needs a role that takes her to the edge. There is talent there, we just haven’t pushed her yet. This role will. It could easily be the central role in the whole movie.

John Bender – The Criminal

Judd Nelson Breakfast ClubThis one is the most important roles in the new film, just as it was in the old film. It represented the real issues of the 80’s. It wasn’t the most common person from the perspective of teens being able to relate to him, but John Bender was the guy we rooted for.

He was the jerk, but with a good heart.

We liked it when he was right and the jock was wrong. We loved him when he then took the heat for it to allow the others to escape. Self-sacrifice. John Bender, the Judd Nelson version, was the first teen anti-hero (arguably).  He delivered the best lines in the movie and wore combat boots like an absolute champ.

EAGLE EYEToday, it doesn’t necessarily take a tough guy to be tough, a hard guy to be hard. Today, the loose cannons in school are the ones that you see and say “he could be normal”, but there’s just something not clicking for him.

In what is bound to get the most “I hate that actor and he doesn’t belong in Breakfast Club or anywhere in Hollywood” responses, we select Shia Labeouf as our 21st century anti-hero. Remove your natural bias for someone who starred in mega-disappointment blockbusters like “Transformers II” and “Indiana Jones and the Bad Script”.  Open your mind, give him a clean slate, and listen:

Don’t think he could do it? Read about him. You’ll soon see that, if it wasn’t for his break in Hollywood, he may have become the character we are describing. One difference in the Labeouf version versus the original — this one headbutts the principal when he gets in his face.

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Should “The Breakfast Club” be remade? Probably not. In fact, 99% of the movies that are remade shouldn’t have been. Still it would be interesting to introduce a new generation to that wacky Saturday in some random high school when coming of age happened for 5 unlikely friends.

Or something like that. In homage, here’s the original trailer:


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This isn’t a blog about movies. Still, it has a movie section, so it’s okay to check it out every now and then.

About JD Rucker

+JD Rucker is Editor at Soshable, a Social Media Marketing Blog. He is a Christian, a husband, a father, and founder of both Judeo Christian Church and Dealer Authority. He drinks a lot of coffee, usually in the form of a 5-shot espresso over ice. Find him on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest.

Comments

  1. Why on earth do you need a remake?
    Shia Lebeouf? WTF!?!?
    DO YOU REMEMBER TRANSFORMERS?
    Next you will say Ferris needs to be re-cast as him as well. EVEN STEVENS WAS GOOD. END HIS REIGN.

  2. jennifer says:

    shia lebeouf? freakin lame. julia stiles and jason Schwartzman are kinda old to play high school characters too. but i like the lindsay lohan plug in.

  3. The hot guy couldn’t be the nerd. Basket Case was perfectly roles, as well as john bender. They are were amazing in the breakfast club!!!

  4. Shaolin_sKunk says:

    I actually think it’s a good idea (not Shia Lebouf though, sorry he’s more of the nerd in my book) but I agree with the rest of your post, I would love to see a (well-done) remake.

  5. mayquiri says:

    I dunno, if this were to actually come full circle, I think those casting choices could be interesting. I thin Shia might be a good cast as the new bender, if he could pull it off, same with any of the other actors. I think I would go and see this movie. I’d be scared shitless that it’d be ruined by the new Hollywood spin,but I’d want to see it.

  6. C.Sullivan says:

    I actually just performed as Richard Vernon in a staged rendition of the Breakfast Club…
    selfishly, I’m quite interested to see who you’d suggest for this role–keep in mind there IS a sympathetic side even to him!

  7. Sorry, but I just don’t see it.

    The Breakfast Club was an eighties bratpack film and it should stay that way. A remake would just be another over-used storyline set in a high school.

  8. lilpunkin says:

    Who would play Vernon?

  9. You can’t remake a classic like The Breakfast Club. NO NO NO…. I’m so sad….

    Next you will be wanting to have remakes of Thriller and the giant cell phones. Remakes of classics don’t work, classics are classic.

    Have you seen the remake of Gone with the Wind? How about Casablanca? Yeah, didn’t think so…. I don’t usually have such a strong opinion on things like this, but don’t screw with the 80s, in 20 years you will understand… :)

  10. Complicious says:

    Michael Cera (super bad, Juno) should be “The Brain”

  11. Oh go to hell with this crap! Have you nothing better to do than suggest pointless remakes? Don’t bother! Hollywood can squat and push those out quite easily enough without you feeding the fire. And while we’re at it, get an editor. I see more stupid grammatical and punctuation mistakes on this damn site than almost anywhere else on the ‘net that is supposed to be “professional”.
    We already think you’re stupid as hell. Why prove it?

  12. C.Sullivan says:

    this last guy sucks–don’t listen to him.
    It’s a fun and harmless idea to entertain. I’d still love to hear who’ve got for Vernon…

  13. WHY THE HELL WOULD ANYBODY EVEN THINK OF MAKING A REMAKE OF THIS WONDERFUL EMOTIONAL MOVIE?!
    man the dude that wanna make a new version of “breakfast club” sould die in his own pile of shit
    SCREW YOU

  14. Rachelle says:

    You just took a phenominal movie and slapped a million cliches all over it.

    What made this movie great was its originality and the way it defied modern ideas about teenagers. You want to remake it so that it conforms to our culture? That kind of defeats the purpose.
    You’re not only changing the things the characters do, you’re changing their personalities. If this WAS remade, I would hope that everything would stick as close to the original as possible.
    Your choice of actors is pretty absurd – admittedly, Shia LeBeouf could do well, perhaps in the role of the nerd. His aura doesn’t exactly scream “tough-guy.” I would go with more down-to-earth actors rather than the ones you suggested; your version feels more like the OC than John Hughes.

    Honestly, I would love to see a remake of this movie. Just not…like this.

  15. What I Like about this is you’re not talkin of a direct remake its a whole new idea. However i must agree, theres definatly better people to choose for Bender. I do however think of his teeny tiny role in ‘I, Robot’, where he played a streets boy very well. however, i cant think of him in a role like bender. but, i love this idea, and the others i like. its true, times are different, and brains arnt so dorky. The thing is, they are still portrayed steriotypically this way on tv, and i want to see it out there as it is. And Lindsy Lohan has the Princess… i’d go just to see that!

  16. So, what, more over 30 actors to play highschool kids?
    Very stupid post.

  17. No, no, no!!
    Do not want!

  18. i wasnt even alive when they made the first one and i know that this new one will be horrible compared to the orginal. the original was amazing and the ‘definitve of 80s teen movies.’ why remake the greatest 80s movie ?

  19. Pamela Parrish says:

    Why in the hell must Hollywood remake what was great in the first place?? You just can’t mess wit hthe best.. John Hughs was an ICON and none of his films should be remade… Hollywood has run out of good ideas and now they are going to Rape our classic movies..

  20. I’m so excited for the remake! I saw this movie I’m health and loved it! Just hope they don’t skrew it up. No pressure! XD

  21. I laugh at your suggestions, and agree with their truth. *golf clap*

  22. Some mexican guy says:

    Yo!

    It’s a great idea to remake the movie “The Breakfast Club” but you’re so out of touch with reality its a shame that people like you have no clue what this movie was trying to inspired or portray. In order to make a decent remake you would have to pretend you’re from California or New York mixed with the right kind of diversity and spice the remake movie deserves! 80’s white power is over and the new millennium is being taken over by Black and Latino pride with sprinkle of Asian and Indian Americans! And if you don’t know what I’m trying to convey then you’re more lost than I realized!

    Peace out!

  23. fucked up…………………………………………………………………

  24. Spot on, I think. I probably couldn’t have come up with these people, but they fit.

  25. wow you just messed the breakfast club, no remake is better than the original. With the version you suggested, being a teenager, I wouldn’t be able to relate to it. The characters in the original were relatable, they look ordinary and less dramatic like you said, but that’s what causes teenagers everywhere to relate. And to note most teenagers that I know don’t have the typical problems hollywood portrays, like teenage pregnancies, or drugs… the majority don’t at least.

  26. They are too old for it

  27. I personally think that Jesse Eisenburg would play a better brain that Michael Cera; but that’s my biased preference. But given the opportunity, I completely agree that Julia Styles could be an amazing “Basket case”!

  28. Not bad, actually. My buddy and I were talking just the other day about hypothetical remakes and the ones that would wound us the most deeply. There was only one that we came up with that would cut harder than Breakfast Club . . . . . . “A Christmas Story”. Anyway, as much as I’m fanatically opposed to this hypothetical remake, your revamping of the characters really doesn’t seem to bad. I’ll still have to kill you, though, if you actually get someone to sign off on this. It’s just business, Brother.

    Cheers,
    Gunnar

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